Saturday, 13 February 2010


I think what annoys me more when stuff seems to go tits up, is when I try to be positive, to make a change, and THEN things to tits up.
Yes ladies and gentlemen (and I know no-one reads this but in my head there are many of you) it's been one of those days.
And some of those things aren't that bad, some of them are worst in my head. Some things I tried to make an effort to change and situations prevent it.
In some ways I prefer it when I mess up, I can handle that I'm used to it. I remember writing a while ago "I can believe that God has an amazing plan for my life, what I can't believe is that I'm not going to mess it up." I can handle that, I'm used to my own failings.
It's when the situations are messed up that I struggle with, especially when I look at the things rationally they mean feck all. I've been through stuff that as genuinely shit, really, utterly cack. What got me through that time was relying on God and close friends and people around me.
The problem is that right now all this crap is piling up and I feel far away from God and the people I'd like to get me through, well they're not aiding the situation. Details would be unnecessary and nothing is going to change any time soon.
These time when I feel far from God it's not that God has retreated, it's that I have. The problem is, I get in this pile of rubbish and end up doing circles and the last thing I want to do is spend time with God. Back episode of Seinfeld and my bed seem far more enticing.
Ghandi said 'Be the change you want to see in the world.' You can make that smaller, I want to be the change I want to see in my life.
I know God is still there, I know he still loves me, I know he's still got a plan for me.
So I need to be that change. So tomorrow morning, starting then, I will see and make that change, whether it feels good or not.
Inevitably I'll fail but its the thought that counts right?
And if you speak to me, remind me yeah.
Lets get some sleep, hopefully tonight my bed won't be made of someone elses pants.
Still, tomorrow is sunday and Villa are on TV.

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